Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
