shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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