My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
