I don't think brook has ever known best
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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