I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
