but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
