do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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