Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
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Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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