Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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