It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
