let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
