I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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