Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
