***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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