Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My ATM looks so different sober.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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