oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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