i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
