I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
