Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize