He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
