Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
