youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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