I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can't turn off my feet"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
