Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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