If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
