Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
