yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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