Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
