need another drink. this is the easiest way
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
