I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
