I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
