So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
