You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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