idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
