this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
