don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
