I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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