in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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