Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
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I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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