Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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