I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
