she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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