i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Girls should come with a carfax report
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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