He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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