If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
