I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
