I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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