Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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