I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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