She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
