tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
