I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
