so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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