How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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