She is in my trunk
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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