Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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