they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
