We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
