everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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