So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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