you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
