Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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