worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
